Networking VS. Self-Promoting

The following is an article posted on LinkedIn this week that was written by Patricia Nixon.  She makes some excellent points that I wanted to share with you.

I agree with her statements - I've seen this MEMEME attitude stemming up more and more in lots of arenas - not just on networking sites. I think that with the economy the way it is, we are all beginning to get a little desperate to make sure that we can not only stay afloat, but to make sure we can stay comfortable despite of what is going on in the world.  We've already lost so much, we don't want to lose our dreams and careers as well.  But with all of the technological "advances" today, I think we have lost the original art of communicating. It never used to be just about the quick posts of what you are doing. It baffles me that so much importance is placed on needing to announce every moment what you are doing.  Before Facebook and Twitter, did you ever feel the need to announce every little tiny moment of your life? I mean, is it really necessary to post for billions of people to see when you are leaving the room? (Don't laugh, there are plenty out there who do!)

We are constantly being told that we need to be a big part of the social networking scene - especially those of us who are writers or are in an arts field. It is now a huge part of our jobs to make sure our names are out there, that we have an established cyber-presence, and that we are constantly promoting ourselves, especially if we even want to think about working with a big publishing company.  And that's ok, I guess. I mean, it seems to be where the world of publishing and media is at right now, even if it does sometimes seem to be a huge waste of what could be very valuable writing time.

But what happened to the ART of conversation and true networking?  Are we losing out on a very important skill that could still serve us well? Have we forgotten what "networking" really means? And what does this mean for our future?

This is a topic that I think we will keep coming back to, and I welcome your thoughts and comments. In the meantime, enjoy some of Patricia's tips below. I think these are strategies that we could all use in many different circumstances.

Are You Networking or Simply Self-Promoting?

By: Patricia Nixon

As I’ve engaged in discussions on LinkedIn, one thing stands out. Many are confusing networking with self-promotion. The savvy you gain by honing your skills now may grant you opportunities in the future and save you from self-sabotage.

Here’s an example many (women) can relate to. You meet a gentleman who is dressed right, smells good, isn’t bad on the eyes and you strike up a conversation. Within minutes you want to escape. Why? Because his entire conversation centered on himself. He talked about his achievements, his career, the awards he’s received. He may be a charming guy, but with his introduction you’ll never know. You’re already looking for the exit signs.

He would have had a better chance of getting to know you had he focused more attention on you, his audience. I can’t say this enough - the finest people, the most innovative ideas and the best products often get no attention simply because of how they are presented.

Is that how you’re networking? I’ve seen many discussions started here asking for help. If the person posting says she has a difficult boss and needs tips on how to handle her, the response might read, “I had a difficult boss, too. That’s why I started my own business. I now own xxx chains in 15 states and you can, too. Let me tell you how! My website address is . . . and I also . . . but then I . . . blah blah blah.” After reading the first sentence, she’s on to the next post, and most likely won’t be visiting the website or anything else mentioned. Because no matter how useful this person could be, he showed no consideration for the requester. She is only a prospect. And one would have to wonder, if this is how selfish he is in his approach, would this also be the behavior she’d be met with should they do business together?

If the requester was responded to with tips she could use, she’d be more inclined to view this person’s profile, add him to her network and communicate in the future. NOW there’s an opportunity for self-promotion. When she thanks him for his help, he could reply with, “You’re welcome. I learned much of this the hard way when I had a boss that was hard to tolerate. I started my own business and I’m happy I did. Check out my website and let me know what you think. If it’s not for you, maybe someone in your network might be interested.” I can assure you, the person who has been helped in a friendly unselfish manner would be pleased to help out in turn.

I’ve always been a natural schmoozer. (See how this works? I offer you tips then I get into ME ME ME.) I have colleagues and bosses that I still keep in touch with from my very first job, even if only once a year for a holiday drink, but when an opportunity arises, I’m the first to get a call. Not because I hit them over the head every chance I get with my achievements or latest ventures. Rather, it’s because I don’t. I ask about the kids, the wife’s pottery class, make notes of ventures they’re pursuing and occasionally send a link to an article that might help them in that pursuit. THAT is networking and it is successful. You don’t want people to see your email or your number and think, “What is it this time?” You want people to be glad you’ve contacted them, excited to hear from you, pleased to help you.

I recall a show I saw years ago about the drug epidemic and I never forgot the commentary. It was said that often the drug dealers would offer their customers a little something for free, just to give ‘em a taste. Next thing they knew, customers were pounding on their doors – they were hooked. That salesmanship and attitude is the same you should have here and in all your networking endeavors. Get others hooked on your value to them FIRST, then sit back and watch them come back for more.

Copyright Patricia Nixon (c) 2009 - This article has been re-printed with permission.
No part of this article may be reproduced or used without prior permission.

If you would like to contact Patricia Nixon directly, you can reach her at:

3 Responses

  1. I am a good friend of Patricia and I love her writings as they are true to spirit and dead spot on! I am sick of the Tweetering and Facebooks, etc and so on. I would much rather meet and great those in-person or via IM or something. Patricia is so right that we are NOT willing to assist people and join for whatever the central cause is but buy me is much more the norm. Buy me/but this/but that.... I am not interested in spending $$$ but gaining entrance into whatever my needs are. Networking is an art form that has taken me years to understand - I go and go and go to networking events because I am a start-up business, but more so I want to meet other like-minded people and share the wealth, not just help you grow your wealth.
  2. Sophia
    Sometimes it is hard to tell where the line is. In an effort to not be "that person" who no one wants to hear from, sometimes I think I just don't say enough. I've been told that online is different and you have to be out there. In person, I will listen to a conversation and will join in if I have something of value to add otherwise I just listen. I tend to do the same thing online. I am adding this comment because I wonder how many people feel the same.
  3. I do often feel that way. It's hard to know how much is too much and how much is just not enough! I don't want to be "that person" that just is constantly promoting herself. On the other hand, I also don't want to be that person that misses out on great opportunities just because I am not selling myself properly. *sigh* Kind of a two edge sword, isn't it??

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