I ADMIT IT - I CAN BE A PERFECTIONIST.
I've recently been forced to take a step back and look at my life. When it comes to myself and my journey through life, I have very high expectations. With other people, I'm much more flexible. I do not expect them to be perfect. I don't expect myself to be "perfect" either, but I have set some very high goals, and if I don't feel I'm reaching my potential, I tend to be very hard on myself. This is something I'm working on. It's good to have high expectations that we are working towards, but I know I need to allow myself some of the flexibility and open mind that I give to the other people in my life. With others I have patience, myself - frustration.
I also tend to do too many things at once. Miss Multi-task is my middle name. If I'm only doing just one thing at a time, it just doesn't feel right. I've always been good at it, but now it seems to all be catching up with me. There are just so many hours in a day and I am only human.
A year ago I had a health scare, one that unfortunately we still do not have all the answers for. However, it seems that physical therapy is going to be a major component of my recovery. In looking at the big picture with all of this, I realized that P.T. coupled with my multiple jobs, running a business, a 3-year-old, and several upcoming family commitments was just a little too much - Miss Multi-task or not. I may have had to be bonked on the head, but I finally "got it" that something's got to give. I'm not good at putting myself at the top of the list, but this time, I knew I had to. My health needs to come first because without that, nothing else will work either - family, job, everything will first depend on my own health. So I did a little soul-searching, tried to come up with every possible solution, and eventually realized that in order to put in the time needed to concentrate on the P.T., I had to come to the very hard decision that I will need to take a step back from some of my work.
GASP - Not continue working toward a goal that I've had since childhood?!? The thought was inconceivable. Terrifying! But, all too real and it has to be done. It has been hard for me to fully wrap my head around this decision, so in order to make it seem a little more "all right" to do this, I realized I had to come up with a plan. Time off just for my health doesn't seem right in my weird little world, but what if I make it into a project? Project: Organize.
I realized that over the years, as often happens in life, I have strayed a bit from my goals. I've been working so hard to "stay on track" despite life circumstances, that I seemed to have fallen off the road somewhere along the way. The "track" is not the same as it used to be and I somehow missed it. Problem is, now I don't know what journey I'm on anymore, so I need to organize my life, my surroundings (yes, the closets too), even my business so I can find the right path for my own personal journey once again, and to figure out what it all means.
This is a difficult decision for me - giving up a piece of myself to once again find myself. It seems silly, but necessary. It starts with my health and whatever time leftover will be dedicated to organizing one aspect of my life at a time, until I am ready to move on, once again whole, and ready to confront any challenges ahead. I'm going to chronicle it, and lucky you, post my progress here. This will be one way for me to really see any changes that come about, to put in black and white my experiences and their outcomes, and to sort through the craziness that now surrounds me into something organized and clear. If my surroundings are clear, I can gain a better sense of perspective. My mind will have the room to settle and clear out as well. And as any yogi will tell you, when the mind is settled and balanced, it is focused, sharp, ready for anything. Then the answers can come and I will be ready to start once again down my personal path and tackle whatever lies ahead.
Look out world - I'm on a mission - Project: Organize!
I would love to hear feedback from my readers during all this. Have you had a similar experience? Was there a time in your life that you had to take a step back and make a difficult decision or re-evaluate things? How did it work out for you?
Please comment on these blogs with your experiences as well! I know there are many people out there who have needed to re-evaluate, organize, or make certain changes in their lives and I would love to have a section that can take my personal experiences to a more global level and create a community involved in this mission!
Photo Credit: Silverpen Productions, LLC. Photos should not be used without prior permission & license from Silverpen Productions, LLC.