"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap..."
As we start out this New Year, I've taken a moment to reflect on the past year and what I hope for in 2010.
Reflection - Last year kinda sucked. For one of the few times in my life, I will actually say,
"I'm glad it's over."
Reflection - But it wasn't as bad as it could be.
I'm alive. I'm healthy. I have a wonderful family that's still all together. I've met some amazing new people. I've learned some new things about myself. I've been forced to look at things in my life a different way.
"I am very lucky."
2010 - I have hit yet another crossroad in my life. And I think that "Crossroads" will be something of a theme for me this year, and thus likely in this blog. Being at a crossroad can be a very scary place to be. Especially for someone like me. For most of my life, I have been blessed by my instincts and convictions, and they have not often led me astray. I've always been one of those people that knew what she wanted, and somehow knew what choices to make. I may not have always known what to do in any given situation, but I always had a plan. I always had an end goal in site, and I always pushed forward in finding ways to achieve that goal.
I feel I've lost a bit of that over the past couple of years. Somewhere along the way I've lost my "gump." I've become hesitant and I question every move I make. I still have my goals, but I seem to have lost my instinct on how to get there. I have been distracted.
So here I am, staring down several crossroads at the beginning of 2010. And yes, I'm scared. It's very hard for me to feel unsure, to not know the right way, the right choice for me. This is new territory.
But still the choice is in front of me. Time is marching on, with or without me. So it is up to me, up to all of us, to move forward in the best way I know how. Because I am not one of those people that like to be left behind.
So my resolution this year (and hopefully you will help me stick to it!) is to teach myself to find that stronger person that was once inside of me. I need to learn to let go of those nagging fears and once again learn to fly. The word "can't" never used to be in my vocabulary, so I will learn to strike it out once again. If the bumblebee can fly contrary to the scientific evidence that it can't, then so can I!
To borrow from the musical, Wicked:
"I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid...
As someone told me lately:
'Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly'...
It's time to try
I think I'll try
And you can't pull me down..."